1. Failing your driving test.

2. Shitting and feeling the sai zui (shit water) splash onto your butt.

3. Falling for someone who's attached.

4. Traffic jam on a hill.

5. Someone trying to prove you're wrong.

6.Having eye boogers and you don't know.

7. Reading something mean about you.

8. Toilets that can't flush.

9. Charging something and realising it's not plugged in.

10. When your favourite shows get canceled.

Labels: Random and Weird in the Rain

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&the time is 8:12 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Hello everyone! Today I realised Life is a beautiful thing ♥ :)

Life is awesome lately, I'm really happy :) and busy. Leaving soon, but I've been touched by all these awesome people I've met here.

Labels: Happy in the Rain

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&the time is 4:59 AM
posted by Ena ♥

So today, 3 different people have come up to me and said the exact same sort of thing.

I feel really messed up right now. Like awaiting karmic retribution.

I think sometimes I just think everyone and everything is a big joke and before I know it things go out of hand. I have seen so many ploys, the emo guy ploy, the spare part ploy and so on.

Changing topic....

Ok so I haven’t really been keeping up with my blog. I’m sorry. Things have been sort of hectic at home what with my aunt staying here with her 3 kids. I’m going slightly nuts even.

I need like 10 passport size photographs, 10 certified IC’s, Leaving Certs and my PMR/SPM certified slips. And passport too wtf.

Anyways I went to the Lasallian Convention and it was amazing. Let me try to run through..

First day, checked in. Then had a telematch thingy in which I was blindfolded. Well as it is in games we all make friends pretty quickly and it was fun. Then I TOOK BATH. This is in caps because IT WAS IN SCHOOL. I put my bucket on THE FLOOR. Which must have been peed on by countless girls……..

Anyways, then we watched the Heritage Play and then lights out. It was one of the worst nights in my life as it was so hard and uncomfortable. My bones were smacked up on the floor, my nerves were squashed FML. It was hot and I had so many mosquito bites. I tried to talk on the phone and dozed off at 2. Then I awoke to Jacky shining his flashlight on us and he then gave me a mosquito patch yay.

Second day we had breakfast (for me the food was ok!) and then we had sessions about La Salle, school and so on. Oliver piggybacked me and we were squashed like sardines HAHAHA. Then in the afternoon we had a Creative Workshop and we danced and had a lot of fun.  At night we had a Spirituality Hunt and it was awfully stressful and freaked me out and I died from heat and stress I think. All the OT’s were retarded or crying or sick or so on and we knew we had to help them but then we couldn’t complete our hunt so yeahh.

Ummm I sorta lost track. Anyways we had a Guardian Angel thingy going on and also affirmation tags so we kept writing lame messages to each other. On this day… I kind of don’t know what went on. More sessions, sing-a-longs, energisers, dancing, and activities like Action Planning. And then we had games and presentation. For this we did a play, which I’m proud to say I directed :D and I starred as the tragic teacher who got bullied and almost died from brain tumour. It was funny cause I actually pulled down a guy’s sarong LOL and Naven who was principal got attacked by our out-of-control actors HAHAHAHAH.

Then we had an epic closing in which we were led to do dumb stuff which we failed HAHA such as blowing a candle from the other end of the room and so on. Till now, I don’t get what was the point other than being awesomely romantic. Then we camped out on La Salle Square and told ghost stories and dirty jokes for the whole night (some of us la) and in the end I dozed off at 7 something together with a bunch of other nuts.

It was seriously an awesome experience and I miss it already! I miss meals and bathtimes and saying hi good morning to everyone and till now we still say hi to each other ;)

Oh and then next morning I had my Asean test. Now, photos!

Labels: Happy in the Rain, Life in Rainy School

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&the time is 8:31 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I always think people don't like me. I mean, I always think I'm one of those people whom you naturally dislike.

But making new friends, knowing new people, makes me feel happy and good. I mean, there are people who actually (I hope) like me. They like my fun and crazy and random attitude and my talkativeness and my outspokenness and they like me. They are friendly to me. Hopefully that won't change after they become old friends ahaha.

Sorry if this post is a bit pompous. But this is my blog :)

Well anyways, I start to feel that maybe I'm an ok person and some people do like me and enjoy my company. My old friends tell me they'll miss me and I feel appreciated. I even have friends who tell me I'm likeable, and they think I'm cute and like they've known me for years, and I'm easy to talk to and they want to protect me (ok this is a guy la and in reference to my height).

I know it's a bit WTF to post this kind of thing that people compliment me. I mean, people can just be nice right? But it's nice to hear those things. Ok maybe some of you think guys ba like to sweet talk. But I just feel happy to hear this. Who doesn't like people liking them?

Anyway it's not like I'm pretty or whatsoever. I think I'm smart but not a looker :) those comments and wallposts people post on Facebook on my photos and stuff like "nice pic" "you look good!" "lenglui" are just cursory comments. Heck even I compliment ugly people's photos. I don't think I'm ugly, and I do look good occasionally, but I'll never be a "pretty person".

Not saying this to fish a compliment so please don't leave comments like no leh you are or what :) just saying.

So yeah, thanks to my friends, new and old and yet to be, for making me feel better than I have in months :) ♥

Labels: Happy in the Rain, Life in Rainy School

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&the time is 2:31 AM
posted by Ena ♥

To those who have never felt the extreme pain of either grief, or betrayal or anything at all, please be reminded that it is a horrible feeling. People who are not strong, like me, take a long time to be whole again.

The pain is like something tearing inside your chest, and no matter what you're doing, where you are, nothing can take your mind off it. You lie awake at night thinking about it, and when you wake up the next day you feel better but after that first second it all floods back into your mind and you feel shitty.

Pain is when there's physical pain causing a hollow feeling in your chest and stomach, when your palms are cold and sweaty and you crouch by the door and cry on the floor. When everything, even life, seems like a blur and daze that passes by in a haze of pain. When you just feel HORRIBLE, inside and out, and you seem to fall deeper and deeper into the hole, and no one and nothing can help. And tears keep falling, and the wound keeps hurting, and it throbs from within and makes you feel so.. suan (sour in English).

That is pain, but you always learn something from it. Always, you learn, and grow and become more mature.



A random picture from my Lasallian Camp album :)

Labels: Sad in the Rain, Wisdom in Rain

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&the time is 11:11 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Hey peeps! Back from Lasallian Convention, Asean test, Linda and Jess's birthday dinner, and today was a wedding!

Yea, busy week it has been. Camp was amazing, I miss it already!!! Will post detailed tomorrow. Asean scholarship was like.... OKAY LA BUT DAMN COLD.

School tomorrow!

Labels: Happy in the Rain, Life in Rainy School

0 comments

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&the time is 8:48 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I am off for my Lasallian Convention tomorrow! Which means I won't be online till like Friday. Been super stressed about packing.

I have lost almost all of my clothes. And I never knew how many white shorts I had. Great my ass will be transparent LOL. Deodorant, sunblock, baby powder, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, foam bath, and I brought like 50 gazillion bras.

And still, I know I'll be calling my dad "HELP ME BRING MY _____!"

Photo post since I'm so stressed about packing that all my wit and brilliance has been sucked out of me.







 

Ahahaha I am so vain.

Labels: Life in Rainy School, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

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&the time is 11:40 AM
posted by Ena ♥

So, I had to say goodbye to one of my favourite lenses a few days ago. They were like 11 months old, and I was still using them (I know, i know). But they still felt fine!! But yeah, my new ones arrived so I agreed to never use it again. I still keep it though. It was super comfy lens, and I got it for free last year.

WARNING: THIS POST IS FULL OF PICTURES OF EYES, PICTURES OF ME WITHOUT MAKEUP, AND MY PIMPLES. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. UNEDITED AND SCARY. FOR INFORMATION PURPOSES ONLY.


Goodbye, my lens. They look so green here!





sorry for the messy bed.


I'm sorry I'm ugly FML.


Flash.


No flash. Indoor light.


blue from reflection x)


Flash to the max.


I look scary OMG.


Hahahaha are you dead from horror by now.


tried to heighten my nose bridge. fail.






trying to be pretty and failing SORRY. NO MAKEUP.


this one lighting edited so lens looks darker.


comparison for enlargement.

Comfort: 10/10. This is my most comfy lens, I can put them in anytime and they wouldn't even sting. Usually it stings when I put on lens right after waking up but this is really comfortable.

Enlargement: 9/10. It's enlarging but not too much. My Puffy Blue is wayy bigger but then this one is a darker colour.

Color: 7/10 it's dark and not so obvious, but shiny and dolly. and it doesn't look black, it looks mysteriously another shade in real life. people will know it's coloured, trust me.

Overall: 8/10. I miss this lens already!

Sorry for the pimples! Hope this was a useful post!

P.S. If you'd like my password for some posts, you can contact me on the third tab below my header :)

Labels: Rainy Reviews, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

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&the time is 10:38 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I went out with someone today. And it just reminded me of how empty I was. How much I missed you. Everything reminded me of you. I thought if I went out, found someone else to hold, it would all be ok, I'd heal. But it just felt wrong and I kept trying to push him away everytime he tried to hold me.

Everything just reminded me of you. How I miss watching movies with you.

Why did I push him away? It scares me that I am putting up walls.. That I'm so incomplete.

I was attracted to that guy from hospital (ahem). So maybe it's just no chemistry right? Or am I just incapable of loving again?

Everytime he tried to touch me, I would avoid it because it felt so wrong and as if I was cheating on you. Though of course, I'm not.

How do I get you out of my head? I just wish one day I can wake up and you'll be out of my head and I'll never think about you again.

Truth is, I can't live without you. I'm dying inside.

I just want you to protect me again. I do. I remember you telling me you can't imagine how your life would be without me and how devoted you were to me.. How you would never ever want me to leave because you need me.

So now, you don't need me anymore.

I'm not going to say you lied and I fell for it. Because.. I still believe your lies. I still believe we had love and I still believe I ruined it.

I don't want to hurt the guy I'm talking about in this post so I hope no one tells if I give you my password.

Labels: Password Protected

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&the time is 9:19 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Sighs. I feel miserable. I did the one thing I haven't done since February.. Checked his profile. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but yeah. No girls posting everything or what but yeah. I can see him being happy with friends. And he's become a different guy? The kind who is kinda rude to people and sarcastic. He changed his number. I saw it. And when I saw his profile pictures.. He had removed every single one of my comments. Not even I had the time/energy to do that. But he painstakingly removed every single bit of me from his Facebook profile.

Watching X-men tomorrow. Gosh so sickeningly emo I am every single freaking time I had contact with him. And this is my PMS week. But it hurts much less than before.. Which is awesome :)



I am awesome :)

Labels: Sad in the Rain, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

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&the time is 12:00 PM
posted by Ena ♥

I don't get it. I thought you were fine with me already? yea, you still won't accept my friend request. I get it.. I guess you're afraid I'll go and beg you back or something. I made a fool out of myself. But now? I just liked a wall post, and you already totally lost it at me. Is it that even one contact with me makes you so pissed at me? You like my friend's wall posts too you know.

How come just the very idea of my existence makes you so damn angry? Wow, I never knew you could hate someone so much.

And what sucks? You swore you'd love me forever.

Sure thing, cutie pie. I'll love you forever because of my fucking inability to stop thinking about you, but I bet you hate me like your worst enemy. For what reason?

Because I still love you? It can't be that you're still hurting, because duhh you've moved on like a marathon.

So what the fuck have I got to do to just.. make peace? I just need closure. Just an acknowledgement of friendship.. Then I'll let it all go. I wouldn't even try to be your best friend because it hurts so much I just want some closure. But no.. Time doesn't change a thing. You still have such a huge problem with me.

Trying to be mature.

But come on, you used to love me. Don't try to deny that. Yea, it's the past, but you DID love me. Admit that. So why can't you, in respect of our former love, not be so fucking hateful to me? Yea you were unhappy, but we did have happy moments too. Can't you see that? You used to just want to kiss me the whole night, and now you hate my guts?

I k now you're not the weak kind who will miss me or look back. I know you don't need anyone and you can move on easily. But yeah, I am still sorry I made you cry for me. And made your life so miserable with fights. I'm sorry I was never satisfied and tried to change you into someone you're not. I'm sorry I didn't consider your feelings and I was selfish. Isn't that enough?

Labels: Angry in the Rain, LoveShits Rainy Days

1 comments

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&the time is 9:26 AM
posted by Ena ♥

You wanna know something fucking awesome??? Other than my very alliterated title. OMG. Go click on my archives  and you can see that every month I have 22 posts!! And gahhh my used-to-be anniversary in on the 22nd blahh blahh.

I swear it's a coincidence but OMG. How will June be? Will it break the chain?

Anyhow my driving lesson got cancelled today. Which I am glad about. I was so excited to learn but now.. It's just stressful. Maybe I'm a perfectionist and I just don't like having my instructor have to scold me sometimes because I want to be naturally good at it.

1. Handbrake is so fucking hard and I hate it. I have physical limitations mainly, I'm short (leg can't reach pedal), skinny (weak and can't step hard enough) and all that. So yea. And steering? It is pure torture. I rather just change my destination than having to U-turn I tell you. And side parking gives me calluses because I have to turn the steering about 50million times.


This hurts.

2. I just CAN'T GET THE HANG OF IT. I keep forgetting to change gears, and I have poor control. Of everything. I can't turn the steering wheel properly without my car swerving left and right or hitting the curb. I can't step on the accelerator without it being too fast or too slow. I can't brake properly. And I keep sihoi (car die in the middle of driving fml). I suck at practical stuff, playing music, art, sports. I have very very slow hand eye coordination and slow response. Which is why I am at high risk of dying in a car crash.

p.s however my hill is immaculate. I just like things with a sequence. Parking is ok too. I like how it has steps, like turn steering left all the way, see the marker, and so on.

I like lists.

3. I am road blind. I think I have directional dyslexia. Let me quote from this article .

There's a class of people (I'm one of them) who are chronically lost; who take a few steps in a strange city and can't find their way back to the hotel;  who don't know how to exit the building they've just entered because they've strolled a corridor or two;  who are totally befuddled and even panicked when they drive into a familiar intersection from an unaccustomed direction; who break into a cold sweat when someone says, "you know how to get home -- just reverse the directions";  and who, because they're frequently lost, are subject to ridicule and mockery from their very own families and from their most intimate friends.

That's me. I've been travelling the same road for the past 5 years, and I still can't go to school. I have difficulty even differentiating left and right. It takes me a split second longer. When I reach a fork in the road, I have to stop and think. Which way do I go? Because I just don't know which one is right though I've gone this route many times. Even when I try to focus.. I can't. It helps to memorise landmarks in a sequence (I do well with sequences) like, Everrise, Maybank, Shell. But not all the time.

I was once convinced that my dysgeographica was related to my total absence of rhythm -- as a child I could never learn to pump a swing or even to jump rope.

That is just me. I have no sense of balance either, can't swim, ride a bike, skateboard. I have poor motor function. And I hate swings.. Just 2 oscillations makes me puke. I don't know why.. Even roller coasters don't do that to me. I get a migraine when I am swung. My car sickness is quite better already though.

Here's another link: http://www.guardian.co.uk/notesandqueries/query/0,5753,-58770,00.html

I get distracted a lot too in directions, if there's a crowd in front of me, I will follow them blindly. It's so bad that I actually step off the elevator on the wrong floor all the time. Because I follow the crowd. And yes, I get hopelessly lost in buildings too. Like hotels.

This girl blogged about it here too. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with this problem. Some more my friends all are good with directions and even my family has no patience with me. I think I have quite a mild case, since I can still manage a bit.

And now a photo of me deemed by brother as "Asian person who got plastic surgery trying to look British."



P.S: OMG. I have IEED too and katagelasticism.

IEED is like..

Your dad is yelling at you for stealing the last Ho Ho or breaking a vase or kidnapping someone, when suddenly, you're overcome with an uncontrollable desire to laugh. You try to hold back, but soon your frown turns into a smirk, your smirk turns into a repressed chuckle and your chuckle turns into a full out fit of hysteric laughter.

Not only did I laugh when I hear people dying, I also had this uncontrollable urge when my brother was sick or sleepwalking. It has happened since I was 14. This is like.. WOW.

If you've ever experienced a sensation like this, you may suffer from Involuntary Emotional Expression Disorder (IEED), also known as pseudobulbar affect. This condition is exactly what it sounds like: having the opposite reaction of what is expected, such as becoming depressed when you hear good news, or laughing at a tense or unpleasant place, such as when someone tries to start an argument with you.

And katagelatiscism is just finding joy in other's misfortunes. I do that in reverse. I am unable to be happy for others. I'm ashamed to say I blocked my close friend from my News Feed because she was too happy with her boyfriend.

I am a bitter, damaged soul. I knew I was psychotic.

Labels: Daily Rain, Random and Weird in the Rain, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

1 comments

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&the time is 10:34 PM
posted by Ena ♥

Do you like my new blog layout? I used xiuxiu meitu because I am IT-challenged person and don't understand what is a layer in Photoshop.

Today I felt better. Went shopping, bought a top, and a lot of stationery. I felt a little ouch when I saw some lovey dovey posts on Facebook, boyfriends waiting for their girlfriends to fall asleep on the phone before saying goodnight. That happiness when I hang up after a phone call of I love you's or after coming home from a particularly happy date, that warm fuzziness as I remember all the hugs and cuddles. Or us cooking for each other and washing each other's hair. Ahhhh. Even though obviously he doesn't think about me anymore, but I do miss some of our moments. I avoid his friends' profiles also because.. Yeah. Hurts to see his name.

Anyhow, today I shall talk about something that has probably changed my life.. Contact lenses. Not camera lenses la.

Now you all probably think I am just exaggerating, but it's true. A few years ago, I was so awkward. And shy and ugly feeling. I was ugly in every respect, really. And I think I missed out so much on life, because of the simple fact that I refused to wear glasses. When I wore them, I couldn't even speak to people without looking down. My eyesight got worse. I did not want to be one of those people confined to specs their whole life. (sorry to offend) and everything was such a blur in life. I missed out on scenery, and everything else, BOYS. In class I would put them on for 2 seconds when no one was looking, copy a few words, then quickly take them off.

Yea, I've always been self conscious. Being ugly just bothers me, ok? Ugly people bother me too so yeahhh. I get annoyed when there's someone who can be stunning if she tried but she doesn't. Makes me want to give her a makeover. No girls are ugly.. Only lazy. I'm not advocating anyone to put on a ton of makeup la. I don't even do that because me skin is OK. I only use blusher because I'm too pale that's all.

But the thing about natural beauty.. If you're not naturally beautiful, then you have to fake it. Being artificially beautiful is better than being naturally ugly.

Anyhow, putting them on made me able to look around and see the world, say hi to people I know, actually recognise stuff. Yes, my eyesight is that bad. And I can talk to people and smile because I know my lenses are awesome.

My natural eyes are hideous, so don't say I am hiding myself under lenses.

And as for the myth that they damage your eyes, well, it's been wonderful for me. So yea. No pain, no infections. Comfortable, cheap and good.

I urge you all with ugly beady eyes to get your lenses now!

 

Labels: Rainy Reviews, Random and Weird in the Rain, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

0 comments

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&the time is 7:07 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Today I remembered you a lot, for some reason. I'm too tired to be witty or sarcastic now.

My feelings for him are fading day by day, which is good.. But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. That I don't miss him so much, having him with me, going through every fight and obstacle supporting each other. I wish for a lot of things, but I can't undo time or force love.

My cheek against yours, nose against nose. The warmth of these memories. That time we giggled as your dad drove us during CNY last year. How you put your arm around me and kissed me quickly when no one was looking. How you helped me tape my eraser together after it fell apart.

The way you had that nervous breakdown and I helped you cope through it. The way you helped me cope with my past bullimia. The way that I changed your birthday on Facebook once and you were so sweat. I miss those memories, I do.

At that time, we really believed we would love each other forever. It was a taken for granted thing, that it would last forever, that you'd never stop loving me, that you'd always be by my side. How we swore to marry each other, how our love never wavered.. Till it did.

It still hurts remembering you telling others how glad you are to be free and saying yucks when someone mentioned me. That was when you hated me after we broke up. Because I kept calling and finding you. I remember you telling me to get out of your life, that you've tried but it didn't work, and let's just break up officially.

All this while, I've never found someone new. Maybe only to flirt, but never having feelings for anyone. Maybe I just didn't bother. Maybe my heart isn't ready, or maybe I still hold you in a part of my heart. Or maybe just because no one attracts me right now.

You don't know how much I really, really miss you and everything you did for me. Everyone was so shocked when we broke up.. Because you loved me so. But you've changed so, so much now.

Dar, I love you. I miss you so much and I think about you every day in every single thing. You don't know how much I miss you and regret everything I did and how hard it is to let you go. I know your life is good now and I hate to disturb you anymore, but I just want to say I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry. I keep going back to that first kiss, first date, first time we met, and I'm so sorry. I never thought it'd end like this, and I miss you. I'm leaving now, and I hope you'll find happiness, and I hope you'll think of me fondly one day. I will never regret meeting you, getting to know you, or falling in love with you, sharing my life with you, or having those memories of us. Because though they're what leads me to cry, it's also the things that make me want to move on, and find again.

I never thought we'd have a last kiss....

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="420" caption="An awesome picture of me after such an emo post =) Xiuxiu meitu! ♥"][/caption]

Labels: LoveShits Rainy Days, Sad in the Rain, Wisdom in Rain

0 comments

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&the time is 1:30 PM
posted by Ena ♥

I am getting sick of being nagged all the time about college. Yes I know you are concerned, but I'm not stupid alright? And repeating it countless times just fucking annoys me. I am this close to just running away from home and leaving byebye if you continue on with all this scolding me for my "future" messiness, etc. Pffft.

Anyways, behold the Great College Checklist.

For girls that is. Girls who actually make an effort to look good Vain girls that is.

It shall have... 33 items! Just because it's more cool that way.

 

1. Bedsheet/pillowcase/blanket/pillow :3


2. Umbrella


3. Clothespin/Hanger


4. Sewing kit (for emergencies)


5. Toiletries (toothpaste/toothbrush/shampoo/foambath/conditioner/facial wash/lotions/creams/makeup remover/nail polish remover/lens solution)


6. Tweezers/ razors / nail clippers/ ear wax diggers


7. Clothes ( my 1 million pieces of clothes T___T) (seriously I'm taking 11 dresses, 3 jeans, 2 slacks, 1 pants, 5 t shirts, 6 bras, 8 panties, 2 swimsuits, 4 skirts, 6 shorts, 4 formal blouses, 3 cardigans, 6 tops, 1 turtleneck, then my 4 sets of home clothes.)


8. Electric kettle


9. Cutlery/Plates/Cups


10. Electronic stuff, chargers, blahh, cameras, bla, pendrives


11. Toilet paper/Instant food (mixed because they're both wtf ahah)


12. Rubber bands


13. Stationery ( Pens, pencils, color pencils, rulers, geometry set, files, notebooks, staplers, puncher, sellotape, double sided tape, scissors!,calculator, rulers, erasers, markers, highlighters, PENCILCASE ok I'm done trying to be specific here)


14. Shoes.... my biggest problem !@#$. (I am bringing 1 sandals, 2 slippers, 2 heels, 1 oxfords, 1 sportshoes, 1 flats, 1 formal looking sandals, 1 wedges, 1 heeled sandals.) WTF THAT'S TOO MANY RIGHT......


15. Towels ( I have 3)


16. Curling iron


17. Eyelashes (it gets more bimbotic..)


18. Rings


19. Hairbands


20. Belts


21. Necklaces/Bracelets (just realised I should list it all as Accesories LOL)


22. Makeup (mascaras, eyeliners, eyebrow pencils, blushers, bb creams, powder, blusher, nail polish, eyelash curler, lip gloss, lip stick, eyeshadows)


23. Shit I'm running out.. Umm, a Harry Potter book.


24. Combs


25. Mirrors


26. A watch?


27. Socks/Singlets/Tank tops


28. PADS!!!


29. Sunglasses


30. Dental floss (yes this should be in toiletries..)


31. Caps!! (for heat?)


32. A nice cute dustbin =)


33. A pail (this one buy there)

 

OMG I'M DONE

Labels: Daily Rain, Happy in the Rain, Life in Rainy School, Random and Weird in the Rain

0 comments

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&the time is 6:51 AM
posted by Ena ♥