DISCLAIMER: FIRST EVER ANGRY RANT AT SOMEONE YOU MAY VERY WELL KNOW AND THIS WILL HOPEFULLY BE THE FIRST AND LAST RANT ABOUT MY PREVIOUS LOVE INTERESTS.

You need to work on your attitude. You're not particularly hot, not rich and not smart. So slow down on the ego. Seriously, you are rude and condescending and you have not one ounce of modesty in you.

You dare insult me and call me a dumbfuck when you are the one who was a promise-breaking jerk in the first place. And whenever I try to placate things with nice words and compliments like "Hey you were a good boyfriend etc" you'd go right out and say "Duhh of course I was" I mean WHAT THE FUCK. You really think so highly of yourself? Please. You are a failure at life and everything you want to attempt. I'm so glad I'm not in love with you anymore.

The worse thing is how blind and immature you are. "I'm tired of being nice to you" you say. It is ME who has been nice, I never threw any mean words at you or cursed at you, but no "You're just tolerating, not being nice. I'm the nice one." You accuse me of buttering everything up with nice words when I get fucking angry at you swearing at me. Call me a bitch? Please, grow up. You are just some attention-seeking moron who keeps posting crap on facebook hoping someone will like it. How dare you accuse me of still being in love with you. SOHAI. The person I'm with is so much better than you.

You don't even feel remorse for hurting me, you act like it's justified and the Holy Spirit gave you permission to hurt me because "it was the right thing to do" so I'll forget you. LOL, to make you ex forget you, you ignore them, not go attack them everytime and hurt them even more. And now that I am over you, you can't even muster yourself to be KIND and say "I'm glad you're stronger" or something nice but you say "You were such a pathetic dumbfuck." THANKS A LOT, aren't you proud that you're the kind of guy who hurts a girl so bad they turn into PATHETIC DUMBFUCKS?

And the way you act so "wise" with your riddles and saying "You'll never understand" or "Think! You have all the puzzle pieces, now fit them together." Being cryptic as shit. And if I so much as say something and then say oh it's nothing you go at my throat at how "YOU ARE ALWAYS THE SAME ASSUMING THIS AND THAT. YOU NEVER GO STRAIGHT TO THE POINT." Such a hypocrite.  If you can go all Modern Shakespeare on me, why can't I? Please, grow a brain.

Get out of my life and stop posting things about me online. See this is what happens. I have to stoop to your level. Just forget about me already haha and go date some new slut. Did I insult your potential new girl? Sorry, this is what happens to me too when you never cease insulting my boy or go all out saying shit about me and warning him not to date me because

"You've seen the path I took. You've seen where I've fallen. Yet you still want to go for it. I advised you, you don't want to listen. Oh well. Use your brains."

Yea lifted from Facebook itself. You still want to act like you are the kind and wise one advising a friend not to go for a girl like me when you are just a troublemaker. Oh how condescending your tone is.

What is your problem? Regret cause you're not over me hence the shitty attitude? LOL don't worry, my ego not as big as yours, I wouldn't simply assume you still care about me. I just think you're sick and twisted and dislike me being happy and want to just make me miserable because you don't know what peace and closure is.

Congratulations, because you've made me very angry than I've been in a long time (or since my Bio lecturer gave me a crappy grade I didn't deserve). Congratulations because you are now the first person I can officially say I HATE since I was 14. I tried to not hate anyone because hate won't solve anything and I want a peaceful clean slate but obviously with someone like you YOU CAN'T BE NICE.

Rant is over. Next post will be a makeup review of my new bronzer and then my upcoming new lenses. Yay my mood lightened already just thinking about new girly stuff.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Password Protected

0 comments

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&the time is 7:29 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I hate people who are stupid. "Stupid" is just another word for lazy. I hate people who don't ever give a fuck about trying hard to get what they want in life.

I hate people who have no goals in life and don't know what they want. They live day from day without anything concrete in the future to aim for. Worse is, I hate people who claim that they are happy to lead a simple life and they are content with daily blessings because AIM BIG, don't be satisfied with such a meaningless existence.

I'd rather people are unhappy with their horrible lives and unsatisfactory jobs and strive to improve than be content with being stuck in a dreamless nutshell full of "simple pleasures".

Maybe I judge too much but life is short. Different people might want different things, true, but what person aims for just a simple happy life and nothing more? People who say life is more than riches, fame and career and it could be just simple pleasures like living in a hut and drinking well water and planting your own crops.

Those are the kind of people I hate.

I guess if the world was completely full of driven people there wouldn't be a social hierarchy.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Wisdom in Rain

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&the time is 10:10 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I've become addicted to pain.

I've tried to stop, but it feels so good that I can't. Talking to people? All they will say is "Be strong, be positive." Please, I've tried. If it was so easy, I'd have done it. It's like asking a poor man to be more hardworking and get rich. Please, some people try but they can't do it. If it was so easy, everyone would be rich.

It got worse after I came back. I start out by coming home after school, and trying to distract myself, do homework and so on, till it's about 10 or 11, and I can't stand it anymore, there's a gnawing pain and aching in my chest, butterflies in my stomach and all I can do is bite on my knuckles and then, the pain floods in as I start thinking, and I cry my heart out, and it's horrible. I can't stop. But I found out, when I reach this climax of pain, I can control myself from crying and losing control by cutting.

It helps me, to feel physical pain. It makes me calm down and gets rid of the butterflies in my stomach and lets me find peace. It keeps me from feeling like all I want to do is commit suicide. It makes me happy, to feel the pain and feel the pain in my heart dissolve away. I don't cut deep. I don't want scars. I use needles, to poke holes, or the tip of a razor blade to make small half-inch cuts that heal up fast and looks like a large papercut. It's not so much the pain, but seeing the blood flow that makes me calm down and breathe.

After that first cut, I find myself going back to the knife all the time. At first I didn't want to. I thought it'd make me lose my self respect. But now i realise, my self-respect is long gone. I cut myself because I hate myself. I have no respect or love left for myself. This is the only thing that keeps me in check and keeps me happy for a while.

Almost everyday I go up to the top and dare myself to jump, but I never have the courage. But after I started cutting, I don't feel that urge. It's a good thing. It's not so much him leaving me that brought all this, it's that all the pain, rage, disappointment and dead hopes that finally boiled up from everything. I just don't want to do life anymore. I've lost interest.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Password Protected

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&the time is 9:20 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I just talked to a friend and cried. I told that friend about what we did, and now I feel horrible. He judged me. I could feel it. He told me "Virginity is such an important thing. I'm feeling really sorry for you now." I told him, "Please don't judge me. It wasn't a mistake or anything. I don't regret it, because i know in that moment, we really loved each other, we were ready. It wasn't a one-night stand or anything. I don't feel dirty or anything."

But he asked me, "If it is the right thing to do then why did you guys break up? Right now you say you don't regret it, but in the years to come? Do you think this won't affect your relationships to come?  I'm sad for you because you guys did that but you still broke up. Wouldn't doing it bring you two closer together? You gave him what is most important but did it matter? No. But instead it made him just lose interest. I'm really angry at you. You lost your virginity to some guy and you guys broke up. And you still dare say you don't regret it. Nvm la it's up to you."

I started crying at that point.. I asked him, why? Why must you judge me and treat me like some slut? What do you want me to do? Regret and kill myself? Obviously i didn't expect that we would break up. In every relationship, would you expect to breakup? But logically i never expected that I would only lose it after marriage. And we were two consenting adults not like it was some one night stand shit.

Tears are rolling down my face now.. Why did you make me think that he left me just because of that? You make me feel like I'm a worthless shit. I thought you were my friend? Why oh why? You want me regret every single thing? I don't. Do YOU regret ever kissing your ex, being with her? No right? Then? Why do me make me feel like that?? I don't get it.. So what do you want me to do? If I ask him to stay and hold him responsible for it.. What does that make me?

Maybe he regrets it, but I don't.. I treated it as a happy memory but now you are telling me that I'm worthless and he just used me for sex and I was stupid to think anything else. It's already so hard for me to let go because of what we did, but I always saw it as a special thing.. But now you make me think that it meant nothing except physical.. I can't take it.. I want to be strong, but life is against me..

My brain is melting down.. I want to die. Die. Now. Please.

 

Labels: Angry in the Rain

0 comments

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&the time is 6:35 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Dipped into my childhood angpao fund and drained it few months ago. Spent up all my incentive money, spent 1k buying a new phone. Now having to dip into my last resources, then i'll be truly broke in the world. i have 4 bank accounts, all of them like freaking drained. Now having to cash in my BSN cash slips which were my PMR and UPSR incentives from the government. Life sucks when you're broke. I wouldn't mind having a one night stand with some rich apek now come to think of it. Fml

Labels: Angry in the Rain

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&the time is 7:19 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I wonder what it is about me that prevents others from forming attachments to me. It's like there's some huge barrier around me.

I mean, sure I'm friendly. People talk to me, laugh, hang out, but ultimately, when it comes to choosing a lab partner or taking BFF shots or so on, they don't call me. I'm always "the friend" never the best friend.

I think it's partly my own doing. I dislike doing anything clingy or cheesy. I don't know why. I never make the effort to send a text ( wanna go for lunch?) when I do I feel desperate and annoying and so on so I don't. I wait for people to ask me, and when they don't I just slink away. No wonder I don't have any real attachments. I don't commit to anything, not even a fucking friendship.

Some days I wish I was more normal.

Labels: Angry in the Rain

1 comments

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&the time is 2:35 AM
posted by Ena ♥

You can say I'm an airhead or whatsoever, but I am SPUNKY.

I seriously dislike people with little personality or who is really, really dull. For example, those quiet people with no opinions of their own and every time you want to ask them something they'll be like duno never thought about it.

At least I can hold an intellectually stimulating conversation.

I used to devour encyclopedias like water when I was 11-15. I literally borrowed 20 books a week from 3 libraries and spent all my time reading till I finished most of the books and stopped. I know more than you, dickhead. I have more general knowledge than you ever will have. I can tell you anything from how Jupiter's moons are special to how elevators work to naming Renaissance artists or how the brain works. And I could have told you wayyy before I was even learning History or Biology. my 12-year-old self knew more than you now. And just for your info, I can still remember my History from Form 1 to 5 even though maybe not as much as you but I at least comprehend world history.

Sheesh. Can't stand people like this. Feeling pissed and stressed now.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Daily Rain

8 comments

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&the time is 3:12 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Ok I'm just annoyed with the world now and I'm going to systematically list why my day today SUCKSSUCKSSUCKS.

1. Firstly, IT IS SO FUCKING HOT NOW WTF? Ok I know I can't blame the weather but please la. I really need air con. It is so bloody hot.

2. I spent like 50 bucks today on transport, groceries, food and movie tickets. I can't believe I had both lunch and dinner outside. I mean, food is not a necessity. I can easily get full with crap like bread and H2O but instead I had pizza and all sorts of crap which will still end up as shit in my toilet bowl.

3. My mum passed Clare a mug to me. And I left it at Burger King yesterday and when I went back it wasn't there anymore and the people said they didn't see it. FML. It was apparently given to my mum by my uncle before he passed away. HOW SHOULD I EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO MY MUM?

4. The bag my mum gave me which is like the bag my grandmother bought her when she was in her twenties... =____= it suddenly has 2 big brown splotches on it. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS IT. It's a leather bag. Did I spill anything on it? I don't think so. It won't come off. It looks like I spilled acetone on it or something but I DIDN'T. I googled and it said to remove

Dark stains: (i.e. food, blood, etc.): Make a paste of one part cream of tartar to one part lemon juice. Rub paste on the stain and leave it on for 10 minutes. Remove the paste with a damp rag and moisturizing soap, as described above for general cleaning. Buff the leather dry with a soft cloth or towel.

WTF IS CREAM OF TARTAR?

5. Walked all the way home. Fucking tired and FUGLY. Fucking sweaty (refer to point 1).

6. Came home to see my stupid sink full of someone's shit again. FUCK LA. So hard to wash your dishes meh? SLOB. Hope you die of infection from unhygienic surroundings. Fucking disgusting to clean my stuff in the sink you know? And it's going to smell after a long time. Please la. It's been so long and now you're doing it again. Shit.

7. Homework.

8. I am broke.

9. I am ugly.

10. Emotionally unstable now like wtf going to burst into tears one second and kicking the chair the next moment from sheer anger.

FUCK.

Labels: Angry in the Rain

3 comments

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&the time is 6:54 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Ok you see right. If you're a guy and you ask a girl out, YOU ASK THE GIRL OUT, you should pay for her la. If not why did you ask her out in the first place if you can't even pay for her? I mean it's not like you guys always go out. I'm not saying you should always pay for the girl but it's sort of a special occasion. True la she's not your gf but pls la! You asked her out to meet you SO FAR AGAIN. And you didn't even offer to pay for her which is super rude. AT LEAST OFFER LA.

If you ask a girl out and you don't even bring her home or call her a cab but instead ask her take KTM or whatsoever alone at night? Don't you think it's dangerous? The least you could do is at least accompany her in the bus ride. But no you don't. Just let her wander alone till she has to call her friends and ask around just to know how to get home.

That's not a gentleman at all. And some more you made her pay for you too. Not cool. I feel pissed just hearing about you though I don't even know you. Way to go to impress a girl's friends.

 

Labels: Angry in the Rain

0 comments

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&the time is 8:14 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I don't get it. I thought you were fine with me already? yea, you still won't accept my friend request. I get it.. I guess you're afraid I'll go and beg you back or something. I made a fool out of myself. But now? I just liked a wall post, and you already totally lost it at me. Is it that even one contact with me makes you so pissed at me? You like my friend's wall posts too you know.

How come just the very idea of my existence makes you so damn angry? Wow, I never knew you could hate someone so much.

And what sucks? You swore you'd love me forever.

Sure thing, cutie pie. I'll love you forever because of my fucking inability to stop thinking about you, but I bet you hate me like your worst enemy. For what reason?

Because I still love you? It can't be that you're still hurting, because duhh you've moved on like a marathon.

So what the fuck have I got to do to just.. make peace? I just need closure. Just an acknowledgement of friendship.. Then I'll let it all go. I wouldn't even try to be your best friend because it hurts so much I just want some closure. But no.. Time doesn't change a thing. You still have such a huge problem with me.

Trying to be mature.

But come on, you used to love me. Don't try to deny that. Yea, it's the past, but you DID love me. Admit that. So why can't you, in respect of our former love, not be so fucking hateful to me? Yea you were unhappy, but we did have happy moments too. Can't you see that? You used to just want to kiss me the whole night, and now you hate my guts?

I k now you're not the weak kind who will miss me or look back. I know you don't need anyone and you can move on easily. But yeah, I am still sorry I made you cry for me. And made your life so miserable with fights. I'm sorry I was never satisfied and tried to change you into someone you're not. I'm sorry I didn't consider your feelings and I was selfish. Isn't that enough?

Labels: Angry in the Rain, LoveShits Rainy Days

1 comments

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&the time is 9:26 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Yet I shall write one of them.

One of those long, rambling posts about life and deep moral issues and emo stuff that sounds like the writer of the blog is going to commit suicide soon.

Well it's 4.11 am and I have driving lessons at 10 tomorrow. So I should sleep and not crap.

But you see.. It's my dream to go to New York. Since I'm a 6-year-old toddler I've wanted to go there and stay there, and look now.

I can see my road ahead is deadly dull. I'm going to end up in KL, then come back to Kuching and work a dead-end job and suffer a horrible marriage (or be forever alone) and have annoying, ugly Asian kids and become depressed because I have achieved no dreams and commit suicide by 45.

Have I mentioned Librans commit suicide the most?

One day my ugly snotty Asian kid will come home and see Mommy hanging from the ceiling because she never made it to New York. hahaha this is so morbid now.

I sort of ran out of crap to say already.

School is OK I guess, I had my prefect's interview. It's holidays now and woooooo I'm not excited.

I've come to realise... I'm a desperate girl pushed up in the corner. I just can't stay here anymore. I CAN'T. It's not being lonely or heartbroken or whatsoever. I hate it. I'm going crazy. I go home and I hate it. I hate my room, I hate this stupid keyboard, I hate this stupid chair next to me strewn with all my favourite shoes. I hate these walls I'm staring at, I hate the people sleeping in those rooms who are my family but I hate the sound of their voice so much I skip meals.

And I know, when I get in the car and drive around, I hate every single thing I see. I can't stand it. The fucking flyover. The stupid Civic Centre. The Spring. Gawd, I want to bomb up that cibai building.

I am so sick. I just can't stay here anymore. I feel so choked up, like I have no room to move or breathe. I just want to be alone, living on my own.

You know what? When I go to the airport (my fave building) and board my plane and fly off, I will just turn off my phone and keep it at that.

Because seriously, I don't want to make any calls home or whatsoever. The fuck if anyone wonders where I am. I want to be free with no fucking strings attached.

I've been so cramped up my whole life, my house is literally a fish market, so is school. I am never just liberated and alone.

So after expressing hatred of home I can't wait to go off though it's just KL.

And this is why I will be stuck in a dead-end job forever, because I've got no guts to reject this scholarship.

On another opinion, someone did ask me how is my heart now. I was honest for once and said sometimes I'm still not over it and he said "HA? SO LONG EDY WOR??" See, I knew people would react that way. NAHH.

I don't want to come back even for semester breaks. My idea of happiness now? It's me, living in my apartment, and my friends all go home and I'm left alone in my apartment and I watch a nice show and eat a plate of hot noodles and it's just me all by myself.

I want to live like that my whole life. Unless I start to get horny and need company. But even then I won't need to break my solitude and get a guy. I can always get a vibrator.

To hell with company or friends or family. You know what they're good for? So when you die, your funeral is a full house. Basically, you're nice to people, get to know them, just so when you die they'll attend your party and make it look like you were awesome.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Daily Rain, Random and Weird in the Rain

3 comments

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&the time is 12:27 PM
posted by Ena ♥

Crying alone in the night.

It's something I don't want to do anymore. I can't wait to fly off and forget.. Leave it all behind.

It hurts to see him comforting his girl friend and telling him things like smile more,  drink  more water, comforting her. Though I guess they're just best friends or what. But still, I'm jealous. It hurts so bad to know I'm not in his life but others are.

I try to read her blog just to catch a glimpse of your name. I mean.. I guess you guys are best friends and stuff but I'm just so jealous. I miss you so much.. Seeing you being so nice to another girl just kills me inside. I don't even think she likes me. I tried asking her about you before but she just totally brushed me off and I guess it's only acceptable.

Sometimes it feels like I'll never meet someone new again. This gnawing feeling in my tummy.. It just kills me literally.

Everything I did, I am sorry. I just want you to know I love you. It's so easy for others to forget their exes.. But for me? It's a struggle to stay afloat. I don't know why. It's not like I'm such an antisocial person and only had him. Or I had a rough family background and he was my only salvation. Maybe I'm just naturally born weak this way.

I wish I could pick you up and just kiss you. I wish I could just go out to Spring without being afraid I'd bump into you.

:'( anyone with advice? Sighs.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, LoveShits Rainy Days, Sad in the Rain

1 comments

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&the time is 8:28 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I'm so xim tia now.

If you don't know, that means heartache.

I'm stressed about this whole scholarship thing, even though I'm going. I'm stressed about everything else. School is good but yeah, heartache.

It's him. Someone updated me about him recently, it's nothing just that he got a new phone and stuff. I don't want to dwell in this shitty mood anymore but yeah.

Seeing him call other girls boss, or posting on people's walls, or flirting with girls and leaving ♥ and all that, though I know he's not attached now but I know he' s not that sensitive, sweet boy I loved and he'll find some new chick soon and all. Seeing all that reminds me of his life passing by without me. Do you know it's his birthday soon? And it makes me miss him, and I just want to kiss him and call him dar and have him hold me again. That longing.

I used to be the light of his life.. the one who made his life happy and had meaning. Before that, his life was sad and dull he said being with me made him a better person because he started to think about his future and work harder for me.

Sighs.. but, I've gotta move on. And that's it.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Daily Rain, Life in Rainy School, LoveShits Rainy Days, Sad in the Rain

2 comments

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&the time is 11:17 PM
posted by Ena ♥

My mood is spoilt so easily. Had a good day at school, and now I'm like so freaking shit-feeling.

CAN MY PARENTS JUST SHUT UP ALREADY? They keep saying all the wrong things. When I was feeling shit about my scholarship, they were telling me "Be grateful. It's not bad what! Good also no need go overseas!" which is like nice but it really hurt me and I wished they could shut up because it's NOT what I want. Now they tell me stuff like "Aiya no need appeal la sure cannot change your course one.. Biotech duno got job opportunity or not" etc etc like come on la just shut up ok?

Plus they want me to stop Form 6 and just rot at home. Hello? I could drive myself to school if you didn't fucking keep postponing my driving lessons till now MAY already ok? I wana buy laptop, buy camera since March but you guys delay, say see first, say go shop survey, say call shops, like fuck you la! Until now where got? I'm very stressed ok? You all blame me didn't do things properly.. my JPA forms haven't filled.. why is that?

Because I don't have a fucking printer, because after it broke down you guys fucking delay getting a new one. Since like... September till now? Because of that, a lot of scholarships I could have applied a lot easier but NO. I could have scanned and done things properly if you guys had just went and bought a fucking PRINTER.

Just leave me alone, all of you, and I hate you all.

And stop appearing on my news feed, PLEASE.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Daily Rain

0 comments

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&the time is 1:22 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I didn't get what I wanted.

So I'm kinda utterly devastated now. Gone are my dreams of living through winter, and all that, gone shattered :) gone are my dreams of flying away from Malaysia, and it is so unfair.

Never mind, government wanna select doctors by race instead of merit? Let's see if our hospital mortality rate will go up lol.

I got Biotech at Monash anyways. Not bad I suppose.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Daily Rain, Life in Rainy School, Random and Weird in the Rain, Sad in the Rain

3 comments

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&the time is 7:46 AM
posted by Ena ♥

SERIOUSLY I'M JUST HATING YOU MORE.

When you're nice to me, makes me feel bad but yeah. The other day we were chatting. And I felt guilty for blogging about you but OMG JUST STOP BEING SO FUCKING ANNOYING TO ME CAN OR NOT? I said I'm worried if I go to college I might get some roommate who whines or steals or is just disagreeable. And he said "swt well people only do that to people they dislike. so up to u how u present yourself."

I know it doesn't sound like much but seriously.. WTF. IF I'M SO NICE TO MY ROOMMATE AND SHE STEALS MY STUFF? STILL MY FAULT COS I DIDN'T PORTRAY MYSELF LIKEABLY?

Pisses me much.

And last time when I'm down you'd nag me to tell you what's wrong. And when I do, I get this reply "== uhh, I don't really know what to say! Lol."

LIKE WTF, YOU DRAG A GIRL TO CONFIDE IN YOU, then say , uhh, I don't really care what to say laughsoutloud.

And now, like all I said was haha yr dp's pose so disturbing!

LIKE DUHH. I did not say you are ugly or what. But obviously, when a TIDAK HENSEM guy poses at the camera in an ah lian style, it's as a joke right? Like people go LOL your dp.

But he replies, umm, compared to yours, mine isn't as weird.

Like so bitchy? Wtf. My DP is just normal me smiling and it's unedited. Say my face weird ah?

I don't mean to be full of myself but I think some blind man also know I am 1000x prettier than you WTF.

This is the extent of how much you annoy me.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Sad in the Rain

0 comments

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&the time is 9:24 AM
posted by Ena ♥

PLEASE LA. STOP GIVING ME THE FUCKING ATTITUDE. You like to judge me about how I see the world, etc I'm not optimistic enough but you leh? LOL EMO MORE THAN ME LA everyday "Life is pointless sighss" "I just feel all alone in the world" shit like that at least I'm emo I say "I miss my ex" or what concrete reason not bullshit like you. Why are you being so fucking rude nowadays anyways? BEING SO SARCASTIC. STOP DISAGREEING WITH ME MUCH?

Like I say I love Twitter. Then you send me a long text about how you hate it. "I don't really care what people are doing all the time for what I like Twitter? " Like you're saying I kaypoh la. Ok then I defend it saying it's better than always needa entertain weird people on chatbox and can read inspirational quotes and stuff and you go all "I hate to read online stuff yucks." then I give up and haha it. Then next.

I post a link from Youtube on Facebook. You kao peh go comment "I don't know why people who are sad like to listen to sad songs." Then I say, of course when you're happy you hear happy songs when you're sad you hear sad songs la. Cos you can relate to the fucking song. When you're sad, do you think "I must hear happy song to feel better"? No when you're sad you just hear sad song la. If not how? When happy hear sad song ah? Or all sad songs got no point to be listened to? NOT LIKE HALF OF THE VIDEOS YOU POST AREN'T SAD HEAVY METAL SHIT SONGS ANYWAYS.

Then now you deactivate your Facebook. I text you asking why. You say you just want to be alone from people for a while. And I say "Oh I totally understand what you feel. Sometimes I don't like to go Facebook because I see something I don't like". And you reply me "Uhh that's not what I mean =.= i dont mind or care what others say or post. I jus wan to be alone. Sick of the world, and sick of everyone that's it."

LIKE OK FINE. MAYBE WE JUST DISAGREE ON A LOT OF STUFF. MAYBE WE GOT A LOT OF DIFFERENT OPINIONS. But it's getting freaking annoying now geddit? Like ok I'm not going to find you anymore.

Latest one is I post on my status "when you're in a relationship, you'd think of the bad things in it, and after it's over, you'd keep thinking about the good moments. Murphy's law." Then you come kaopeh saying "we all know that's false. u dont keep thinking about the good moments you're just stuck thinking of the last bad thing about it. " LOL OK IF FALSE WHY I POST LE? then i said but that's how I feel (DUH I POSTED IT AS STATUS RIGHT) "swt! soo wrong, shud be other way around. lol. well for me other way around. :S" OK THAT'S FOR YOU NOW FUCK OFF MY STATUS ALREADY CAN OR NOT?

I might feel bad for this post when I wake up but yeah whatever. You annoyed me.

Labels: Angry in the Rain

1 comments

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&the time is 1:37 PM
posted by Ena ♥

I go on Puricute to edit my picture.

Then I see a picture of us I edited, complete with fucking strawberries and cupcakes and marshmallows.

I go to my friend's wall to post something.

Then stupid muthafucking Facebook put up a picture of us during Chinese New Year last year, sitting in the car and smiling.

I go to another's friend's wall to view.

Then I see your freaking comment.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS DAY?

Ok so I quit Facebook. And go to my Twitter (follow me). And I see a tweet about boys with dimples. Which naturally reminds me of you.

Ok so I go bloghopping. First blog I go to, Kaykay's. And it mentions her having dimple surgery.

I feel sickened by this. FUCK THIS DAY MUCH?

I remember our honeymoon stage. Every night missing you so badly and feeling so madly, sweetly in love that I'll hug my pillow so damn tight  just to relieve that feeling. I remember still. But I'm trying to forget of course.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, LoveShits Rainy Days, Sad in the Rain

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&the time is 7:45 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I am so pissed right now. Like I'm pissed to the extent that I usually blog about crap and get intro trouble. I'm so irritable. My torrent is slow (which pisses me off), and Bieber's concert just passed and I didn't go and apparently it was amazing FML.

I am so plagued by Bieber fever now, I just miss him :(

Ok I'm seriously singing songs and uploading them on Youtube ok. For real.

Anyhow, JPA scholarship results will be out soon. Like next week. I probably won't get it and I'm going to be so pissed. True, my interview was whatever, but

1. In July 2010, PM said everyone who gets 9A+ and above is qualified. To get JPA whether local or overseas. So qualified means auto get or not? This year got 403 people got 9A+ and above. SO IF I DON'T GET I WILL FREAK.

2. I HAVE GOOD KK OK? NOT BAD LA. IM NOT TOTALLY INACTIVE.

3. I AM POOR.

So please.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Daily Rain, Life in Rainy School, Random and Weird in the Rain, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

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&the time is 11:23 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Ok, firstly, I have Bieber Fever. Yes I am a Belieber.

Emotionally, I'm fine. Only yeah sometimes I think about how happy I could have been this past 4 months if I've had you by my side instead of this pain. We'd be going out, having dinner together, at Damai now.

Politically, well, personally, I support BN because I don't approve of all the opposition's crude insults to BN leaders, i think it shows very low moral value to resort to such tactics. All the rude personal insults? I mean you're politicians don't act like you're 12 for god's sakes.

The Chinese in Kuching are all for change for the sake of change, not change for the better. I believe that BN has done not too bad a job, and they can improve, and we should be grateful. Plus, DAP's manifesto doesn't much care about our local Dayaks either, hardly 1Msia is it? Still, hope it's not just talk for all the politicians out there. It's not the WHOLE govt corrupted. only a few bad eggs and already people are blaming everyone in the govt and ignoring all the good they've done? I have enjoyed peace, stability, education, basic healthcare and other necessities, and I'm happy. We may not be clean or crimefree like SG yet, but we're getting there under BN's guidance.

The vast size of Swak alone undermines its development. But things are good here. It's the most racially harmonious place I know in the whole of Malaysia. I find it better not to point fingers at the government and keep demanding change for the sake of change. It's mostly talk anyways, the BN candidate in my constituency has done so much for my area and my family despite not winning 5 years ago. I hope Dato' Alfred Yap wins the Sentosa seat, because he is a good man and he's helped so many people. Anyways, Penang may be very prosperous, but I'm not sure abt Sarawak's DAP leaders. They're politicians for god's sakes, yet they behave like 12 year olds throwing personal insults at BN candidates.

Well we'll see in a few hours.

Labels: Angry in the Rain, Daily Rain, Random and Weird in the Rain, Sad in the Rain, Wisdom in Rain

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&the time is 12:18 AM
posted by Ena ♥