Yes I have finals soon and I'm still chilling online and I spent the whole night out haha I AM SCREWED. Well I'm gonna hope for the best and do my best since luck has not been on my side this past week. I'm broke from spending gifts on lecturers and I seriously hate one of my lecturers fml curse you but I'm finding time to blog!

Just got back from Maths workshop and I'm super tired. Some pictures from the past week:

Bio class.

Chem class!

Lynne and I and Miss Nancy, the chem lecturer!

Huansen and Alex, chemistry mates.

Beloved Mr Mustafa and other of his students, proudly showing off the tie and chocolates from us (:

A little bird! :)

That's all kthxbye.

I'm happy now with how things are. Please don't tell me you love me, because that will ruin everything. Please don't.

Labels: Daily Rain, Happy in the Rain, Life in Rainy School, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

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&the time is 1:46 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Yet I can't find the motivation to study. Anyways, picture post! Of me hahahaha camwhore queen. Snippets of my life mostly from the ipod touch!

was bored one day.

pink and red hair!

silly faces (:

random outfit

turtleneck for school!

me and lynnie

my mocha cookie crumble! <3

my very gay friends! (gay means happy!)

A very short-lived manicure. stupid flowers all came off.

my study table T___T

a happy bowl of snowflakes :)

Hamsters!!!!!!!!!!

Avengers.

My avengers outfit!

My Battleship outfit!

Me and Marcus Tam <3 !

Random outfit again

Bio presentation outfit :)

Outfit last night minus the heels.

Labels: Daily Rain, Life in Rainy School, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

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&the time is 3:53 AM
posted by Ena ♥

this is turning out very microbloggish.

Labels: Life in Rainy School

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&the time is 4:31 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Sorry for the very emo and cryptic posts lately guys.

I'm having a very rough patch and I'll liken it to walking underwater, trying my best to keep my head above the surface. In the past whenever I had a nervous breakdown I just slept and ate and slept but now, I still have to function about my daily life, do chores, homework, and go to college, without any family to support me and always having to use all my energy to keep up cheerfulness and so on in class. I don't want to burst into tears in college or anything.

I've lost my phone and Mum actually wants to dip into her savings for her cataract surgery just to buy me a new one cause she can't stand to see me so sad. I asked my parents to settle their mortgage, credit card and loans things first and I'll settle this myself as it is my own fault, but they insisted on helping me because they care about me. I've been very touched, I seriously thought they would be so angry at me that they wouldn't talk to me for days.

At times, no matter how hard i try, even on tiptoes, my head fails to break the surface and I can feel myself drowning in the metaphorical waters. I hope one day, either by myself or with help, I'll be able to pull myself out onto dry ground. Will someone pull me up? Because I can't keep treading water and gulping only occasional gasps of air. I want to WALK again.

It feels like I have cancer or something but can i ask all you guys to keep me in your prayers? =) 

Labels: Daily Rain, Life in Rainy School, Sad in the Rain

6 comments

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&the time is 1:51 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Why does it bug me so much when people don't like me? I don't understand. Why do I always feel bad when it's not my fault? I always want to set aside my pride and have a confrontation with someone who dislikes me. Like, "hey, is there something I did that made you angry?"

Because I'm just like that. I mean, if it's a misunderstanding, I'll apologise and sort it out and feel better about me. Why would I want someone to hate me cause of a misunderstanding right? If it's my attitude or so on, I'll like apologise and reflect, like "sorry if I gave you this impression". But if someone dislikes me for no reason, I'll be mad. But, you never know unless you ask right? Ask what's wrong?

I mean. It bothers me. A lot. I have found the first person here who outwardly dislikes me. It's very unpleasant especially since this person is very friendly to others but appears to really hate being in my presence. Initially, I really wanted to create  a friendship with this person. I thought maybe I had to try harder to make topics and so on, but it wasn't so. I could feel it was all deliberate, the way this person treated me. Even others pointed it out and I was wondering why I am hated by someone who doesn't even know me and I have never said a bad word about this person and by first-hand account this person is very nice to others.

I can't just DON'T CARE. I'm not the kind of girl who goes, 'I don't care if you hate me or love me. I love my life!' Umm, no. I care about what others think about me. Most of all, I want all to be peaceful. I don't want any high school tension/unresolved problems in my life. Life's too short for that. This is why I step down and say sorry. I don't want any enemies. I just want to make friends. I care if someone dislikes me, especially if it is something that I have done.

And if it's something I did not do, it makes me wonder more. Like, am I so repulsive/annoying and have such a horrible personality that you dislike me? I doubt myself and I'd feel shit.

I mean. It really bothers me. Because life here has been peaceful so far with no drama and very little fights or so on. I just dislike being ignored or prejudiced when I don't even know why.

Or if it's something like someone dislikes my boyfriend, hence they dislike me. I dislike all that. I hate being hated. I hate wondering. I'd rather apologise, and make up.

Labels: Life in Rainy School

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&the time is 3:19 AM
posted by Ena ♥

It has been a very busy week. Like unbearably so. I was supposed to have my English presentation tomorrow, but it has been postponed FML. I worked so hard for it. Now my mock argumentative essay is due. Next I have Bio and Math test on the SAME DAY. My Bio practical, also unfinished.

Also, I have been practicing like mad. The Nobody dance. For an audition :) so wish me luck. It's the first time I've ever attempted singing and dancing in front of people before LOL.

Also, yesterday was his birthday :) Happy birthday to you alright :) Hope you had a good one.

Labels: Life in Rainy School

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&the time is 9:27 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I dreamed that I got chicken pox and died. So now I'm on a Googling frenzy. I know chicken pox at this age is very dangerous and I'll probably be hospitalised.

I should get a vaccination. No more school, no more vaccinations :( It's weird to think I'm no longer in school. I've been schooling for the longest time (13 years?) and now when people ask, I'm like, I'm not in school anymore. Interesting how 13 years pass by in a flash now I think about it. At 7 or 8 I fantasized about being in Form 5 but it always seemed more like a distant daydream.



A lazy day at school. Jeans and checkered shirt.

Labels: Life in Rainy School

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&the time is 9:27 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Yesterday was a good and happy day. I mean, small things happened that made it feel like a lucky day.

Bio was ok. Maths was higher than I expected. ISAT was a happy thing. First to pass up and I did well. It was not a very hot day. I woke up at 10. Supposed to have a meeting at 5.30. At 3.30 Math was dismissed, and I was like, "eee no fair I wana go home early too!" and then I suddenly received a text, meeting cancelled :)

GOOD DAY INDEED.

Anyhow, addictions.

It's amazing how people get addicted to certain things.

I'm so addicted to lenses I can't go out without them.

I'm so addicted to makeup that I can't leave without SOME.

I'm addicted to a lot of things, which I can't leave the house without.

Do you know what it's like being me? I must be the most anxious person I know. Everyday a million thoughts run in my head and I can't do anything because I'm worryin.

Should I bring a bigger bag out?

Should I bring my camera in case I need to take photos?

What if I lose my camera and regret ever bringing it out?

Should I bring my lens case?

Seriously, life is like this to me.. Always second guessing stuff.

Anyways, I've been trying to keep my feelings in check.

Labels: Happy in the Rain, Life in Rainy School

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&the time is 9:51 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Labels: Life in Rainy School, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

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&the time is 6:37 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Hi everyone. I'm taking a momentary break from studying (right!) and doing stupid crappy wasting time assignments. It's my second all-nighter in a row, and it sucks frankly. I'm so tired I can barely keep my head propped up, I feel worried and crap and sick and tired.

Firstly, the ATM machine screwed up my account and didn't give me my cash. So now I have to wait till Monday before I withdraw anything. Secondly, I used up a lot of money for this month in the previous month. So I am so screwed over it's not funny. I don't think I'd be able to eat for the last 5 days I'm here. And I'm feeling super depressed when I can't go places with my friends because they can spend more than I do. FML.

And one thing I'm fucking stressed. Consequences of doing things last minute. But that's just how I function I guess. Screwed up people work in screwed up ways.

And lastly, I'm also facing a problem I've never faced before. I'm facing a weight problem WTF. Clothes are getting tight and there are bumps here and there that never existed. I have no idea why. In Kuching I'm constantly losing weight because I forget to eat and I have very small appetite. But here, I have McD (which is like fucking a million calories), and I eat out, and obviously I have to finish it even when it's a giant portion. Plus snacking and all that shit. I'm more active, like I walk everyday, but still it doesn't seem to help.

I can cry every time I look in the mirror. Yes I'm still skinny but I don't intend to balloon till I can't fit into anything. So tomorrow, a strict apples-and-salad regime and jogging and starvation and dieting till this madness stops.

I shall go back to my last minute studying now. :(

But first photos!



I love this picture :) and I took it myself :D



The crazy morning where I woke up at 6.45 and put on a ton of makeup and camwhored LOL SO BLONDE.



Eyebags!



First time I posted a barefaced, lens-less photo on my blog LOL.

All photos are unedited. HAHA. I'm eating durian now. And one more thing I'd like to share :

Something that makes me happy and smile with a glow till now :) It's a small thing but I've never known it before. There was this guy I barely knew. A coursemate and we rarely talk and he's sort of a shy quiet type. And he asked me if my hair was dyed and I said yes it was, why? And he sort of looked taken aback and then mumbled "It's very beautiful".

Despite the fact he complimented my hair colour and not me (LOL), it makes me super happy because well, it's so sincere and heartwarming when someone tells you you look beautiful, and they don't even know you. He didn't mean it in a flirty way, in a pickup line way, and it wasn't obligatory like your boyfriend or your mum telling you you're beautiful, neither was it in a sleazy way like those ah bengs at the roadside who honk me when I'm walking to college and actually slow down as if I'm a hooker.

So yeah, encounters like that make me feel that life is a wonderful thing sometimes and there's still good and kindness in the world :) It made a girl happy to know that for that one day a stranger thought she looked beautiful,  especially since it was on a very crappy day. Thanks :)

Labels: Life in Rainy School, Vain and Bimbotic in the Rain

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&the time is 9:58 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Sometimes I just wanna be alone. Sometimes I look down the balcony and contemplate jumping down out of curiosity. Does that qualify as mentally unstable?

Wondering if it means more to me than it should. Wondering if I'm taking things too seriously.

Here's something interesting I heard from my friend's Facebook:

"When guys don't want your body, you feel unsexy. When guys want your body, you think they don't love you but they only love your body. When you're single you're jealous of couples. When you're in a relationship you want your own space. When they give you flowers you think they're feeling guilty. When they don't you nag them."

Ahhh. People's mentality LOL.

Labels: Daily Rain, Life in Rainy School

2 comments

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&the time is 9:55 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Sometimes things happen and spiral out of control and there's nothing I can do to stop it or prevent it anymore nor do I really want to. Some things are just bigger than my willpower or rationale or skepticism or doubts.

Just hope for the best, let yourself go. Not too much nor too little. But usually once the line has been cast it's almost impossible to reel it back. Thinking about that causes my mouth to go dry.

Sorry for the cryptic post. Life's treating me well. Going out almost everyday. Wishing MUFY was more challenging. I am finally free with no chains on me anymore :) I wonder if I've become immune to pain or am I now more vulnerable to it.

Just pray for me guys. Wish me luck and hope I'm protected from life's inevitable pain and trials. I hope if the blow does come, I'm cushioned from it.

Labels: Daily Rain, Life in Rainy School

1 comments

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&the time is 8:29 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I'm in Sunway now and totally enjoying it. Not feeling a bit homesick at all. I made friends (phew!) and everything is great, my apartment, the people, the social life, the freedom and independence.

I can go out anytime I want, anywhere I want, with whoever I want. Of course, there are a few downsides like having to worry about where and what to eat, what to wear (and when I can reuse it so I don't have to do so much laundry) and worrying constantly about money but it's fine for me :) i'm adapting well. And since I'm not one of those spoilt kids who have always had a lot of parents' money to spend and am now at loss because ends don't meet, I'm really doing fine. Bought maybe a little too much though what with bags and a top and so on. And I have to buy a few hundred bucks worth of books and an extremely expensive calculator, so yeah. NEED TO STARVE.

I needn't worry about not making friends. I hope people in Sunway like my company? :) I have met some awesome people like Yee Munn, Cassandra and so on. And also Carson, since he blogged about me so I'll blog about him :D He's an awesomely funny guy who *used to be* very buff and he's extremely quirky and also act cute almost all the time AND he takes ugly pictures of me and causes me to lose about RM5 of credit a day AND he's prettier than me so I kinda hate him though he's awesome!



 

Gosh just look how much fairer he is in this picture! He motivates me to put on lots of skin cream.

Classes shall start soon! I missed my first class because I overslept WTF it was the most unlucky day ever and then my phone broke down and then my hairdryer went nuts and my laptop jammed and my broadband expired and it was such a Black Friday.

Movie tomorrow! I AM NOW SO BROKE THAT SOON I SHALL BE BOILING GRASS TO EAT. Still, I love my life here :)

 

Labels: Daily Rain, Happy in the Rain, Life in Rainy School

0 comments

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&the time is 6:29 AM
posted by Ena ♥

So today, 3 different people have come up to me and said the exact same sort of thing.

I feel really messed up right now. Like awaiting karmic retribution.

I think sometimes I just think everyone and everything is a big joke and before I know it things go out of hand. I have seen so many ploys, the emo guy ploy, the spare part ploy and so on.

Changing topic....

Ok so I haven’t really been keeping up with my blog. I’m sorry. Things have been sort of hectic at home what with my aunt staying here with her 3 kids. I’m going slightly nuts even.

I need like 10 passport size photographs, 10 certified IC’s, Leaving Certs and my PMR/SPM certified slips. And passport too wtf.

Anyways I went to the Lasallian Convention and it was amazing. Let me try to run through..

First day, checked in. Then had a telematch thingy in which I was blindfolded. Well as it is in games we all make friends pretty quickly and it was fun. Then I TOOK BATH. This is in caps because IT WAS IN SCHOOL. I put my bucket on THE FLOOR. Which must have been peed on by countless girls……..

Anyways, then we watched the Heritage Play and then lights out. It was one of the worst nights in my life as it was so hard and uncomfortable. My bones were smacked up on the floor, my nerves were squashed FML. It was hot and I had so many mosquito bites. I tried to talk on the phone and dozed off at 2. Then I awoke to Jacky shining his flashlight on us and he then gave me a mosquito patch yay.

Second day we had breakfast (for me the food was ok!) and then we had sessions about La Salle, school and so on. Oliver piggybacked me and we were squashed like sardines HAHAHA. Then in the afternoon we had a Creative Workshop and we danced and had a lot of fun.  At night we had a Spirituality Hunt and it was awfully stressful and freaked me out and I died from heat and stress I think. All the OT’s were retarded or crying or sick or so on and we knew we had to help them but then we couldn’t complete our hunt so yeahh.

Ummm I sorta lost track. Anyways we had a Guardian Angel thingy going on and also affirmation tags so we kept writing lame messages to each other. On this day… I kind of don’t know what went on. More sessions, sing-a-longs, energisers, dancing, and activities like Action Planning. And then we had games and presentation. For this we did a play, which I’m proud to say I directed :D and I starred as the tragic teacher who got bullied and almost died from brain tumour. It was funny cause I actually pulled down a guy’s sarong LOL and Naven who was principal got attacked by our out-of-control actors HAHAHAHAH.

Then we had an epic closing in which we were led to do dumb stuff which we failed HAHA such as blowing a candle from the other end of the room and so on. Till now, I don’t get what was the point other than being awesomely romantic. Then we camped out on La Salle Square and told ghost stories and dirty jokes for the whole night (some of us la) and in the end I dozed off at 7 something together with a bunch of other nuts.

It was seriously an awesome experience and I miss it already! I miss meals and bathtimes and saying hi good morning to everyone and till now we still say hi to each other ;)

Oh and then next morning I had my Asean test. Now, photos!

Labels: Happy in the Rain, Life in Rainy School

1 comments

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&the time is 8:31 AM
posted by Ena ♥