i surrounded myself with so many people I felt I should hang out with, people who study a lot, are smart, etc. To the point when I realised I wasn’t happy it was too late. Now I realise the friends I want all along, is not the kind whom can teach me about a subject if I’m unsure, but the kind who will go out shopping with me any time any day of the week just because there’s a party coming up.

you know what i’m saying?

in high school i judged people too much. those girls who were loud and always seemed to have SO much fun were all not the studying kind, not the smart kind, and I felt like okay since I'm in the best class I should maintain some boundaries and behave the way I should and befriend those I should. But now I regret a lot. Screw it with grades, kiasu-ness, comparison. I want to have fun, I want to have girlfriends who flunk out of school for all I care but whom I'm able to share a drink with and talk dirt with. To hell with it with judgement and expectations and stereotypes. Good girl, bad girl, they all don't matter.

You only live once. Do what you want to, do what you feel is right.

Labels: Daily Rain, Wisdom in Rain

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&the time is 12:02 AM
posted by Ena ♥

 

 

I miss my baby

Labels: LoveShits Rainy Days, Sad in the Rain

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&the time is 7:49 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I'm very please at my recent deletion from all social networking sites. But I'd like to just make a gentle reminder.

If ever I lose my stress all night because of Whatsapp messages containing vulgarities such as "Come on bitch are you scared",

If ever I try to ignore you and Facebook becomes your battlefield with numerous Facebook posts calling me bitch in plain sight of everybody, to get my attention, and you will not remove it unless I talk to you,

If ever my friends try to protect me from abuse because what graffiti on my wall is supposed to be erased, and you employ your own reasons to justify how it is right to attack someone's Facebook wall just so they will entertain yo.,

If ever I am forced to listen to you or call you when you're angry or I am,

If ever I see any threats or blackmail or "Be very afraid" or anything at all cursing me or my boyfriend to fiery hell,

Then I will take action. Thanks. I hope this line is never crossed.

Labels: Wisdom in Rain

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&the time is 5:32 PM
posted by Ena ♥

I know I shouldn't think that when I start working, my life and ideals will all be gone.

But at the age of 19, i already feel the same feeling of despair as if all my ideals have collapsed around me.

I really, really hate how much time is being wasted.. 8 months of my youth gone in this wretched holiday. No money, no freedom, nothing good out of this wait.

I can't help remembering all my big dreams and ambitions I used to have.. Where have they gone? At this age, I wanted to be published, to be volunteering in Africa, to be backpacking across Europe in a gritty, unwashed state. Call me radical, but these have always been my dreams.

And now? I can barely bring myself to finish a book. I can barely get myself to type a page without giving up. Because the painful truth sets in: If you don't try you won't fail. And frankly, you WILL fail, because you will never be good enough, never will make it big like you thought you would.

I wanted to change the world, to save it. But now? I'm useless. Just another, ordinary person with ordinary problems.

Labels: Sad in the Rain, Wisdom in Rain

4 comments

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&the time is 8:53 AM
posted by Ena ♥