I remember a time when I would force myself to sleep very late, at 6 am, or even later, when I felt most tranquil, just so I could wake up late, very late, later than 3pm if possible. Why? Because everytime I woke up, I was faced into this great wall of pain, and I would curl up and I couldn't get out of bed, and it would just hit me the second I opened my eyes and faced the day, that it was pain. To check my phone, to see nothing, to throw myself into the meaningless loop of wondering What can I do? What could I have done? If only. Why me? This shouldn't be happening. It hurts. And then I cry.

It somehow gets better throughout the day as I rewatch the same episode of How I Met Your Mother over and over again, and speed past the parts which involve kissing, and then I try to eat a meal, and by 12 midnight I talk myself into being strong, because I was so tired from crying all day. Then I get on FB or Tumblr, and chat with someone I barely know and unload my problems on them (they then never talk to me again) and cry some more, and then I tell myself ENOUGH then I rewatch How I Met Your Mother and actually laugh at some parts, and then I feel good, but sleepy, and I tell myself oh no it's too early, I'll be awake by 1pm, no no. Then I drag on till I collapse, and I wake again with a rested mind, which then begins whirring again until I bear it down and tire it enough to stop reminding me of the pain.

Life stopped for that period of time. I would take a flu med when I only had sniffles and then I'd be so overjoyed that I would be spending the day asleep. Sleeping, crying, watching sitcoms through a blur of tears, trying to read a book when a million thoughts raced in my mind.

I don't know what is happening now to me, no pain, but now I feel like crying at the drop of the pin. I should probably NOT be having my period because then this would be my 3rd period this month.

Labels: Daily Rain, Random and Weird in the Rain

0 comments

---

&the time is 2:06 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Days pass without thought
With no escape and no mercy
I feel dead inside

Meaningless routines
Define my life as of now
No point, no happiness

What I seek isn't here
What I need is deeper than
These days of dull toil

Enough! I say now
Of self pitying poetry
Which has broken rules

I'm not supposed
To write haikus like this
Because if you count

There are often 6
Syllables instead of 5
Lines that don't make sense
Or don't belong
Like this fifth line

I tried to storytell
But I failed miserably
So goodbye I say.
0 comments

---

&the time is 3:16 AM
posted by Ena ♥

Sometimes I think.. Why do I blog? To document what happens in my daily life? To express my thoughts ? For tutorials and reviews and telling people about me and my life and where I've been?

Should I blog at all? Life has been so dreary of late that I can easily let my blog die by not even writing anything in months on end.

So how have I been?

Bored, and pretty lonely these few days. Everyday's been work, home, sleeping, then work, home and sleep all over again, with almost no break in between. Been kinda upsetting that's for sure. Still the same old same old, trying desperately to get everyone's approval but failing, trying to get everyone to like me and failing.

But if you wanna hear good news, here it is! Small things can make my day, or ruin it. So now I'll let some pictures and funny (hopefully) captions enrich you on what's been happening to me ever since I survived the apocalypse (yea sorry, had to make a cultural comment there just in case any future civilization chances upon this and wonders about the high traffic on December 21st 2012).

So after months and months of reading up iphone forums everyday (yes my life is this sad) I got an iPhone! I sold my iPod back in November when I visited the bf and have missed it sorely. I almost died without Instagram for a month. I had to use an old Nokia phone for the week before the launching of the iPhone (14th December 2012!) but it was all worth it. My black 32GB iPhone is now the sole reason why I am blogging LOLOL it is the most significant thing in this post. It came with a small scratch on the top corner on the back, but sighs, it's okay. Bf got the iPhone too back in KL :)

I feel like a mother and its newborn baby.

Not really an audiophile, so the earphones are awesome to me.

Siri is my friend! foreveralone.jpg

First camwhore on the iPhone (I think?) I still am babying it till this day (Week 1) and wiping it every chance I get!

It goes downhill from here. Straightened my hair and cut it, to save my extremely damaged hair. Not gonna say much, I hate it, I miss my awfully long hair.

Did a manicure and pedicure out of boredom.

Winter's Solstice! Tang yuan day! Mine is the pink one and Pei's is the purple one :)

Just to show that I am better than the boyfriend in Words with Friends.

Plenty of sales on 22nd December, and I snapped up the Magnum and the Maybelline Remover for 50% off. Yay to Xmas sales!

Free bowl of Iglool too ^^

Boasting of my camera here haha

And it immediately leads to mis-usage of the camera for self-portraits.

Giant Christmas tree at Spring :)

Colleague and yours truly with Santa, Santarina and a bunch of thingamajigs because we sponsored them for makeup :)

This doesn't even look like me but it is!

Felt happy with my new mascara purchase as mascara has become my newest obsession.

This is my Face Shop Mascara for lower lashes that I got last Christmas for RM 20. A steal, and I've only really started using it this year.

My first Majolica mascara I got, it doesn't work as well as I thought.

Some mascara base I got at Holika Holika for 40% off.

My new charm bracelet that I got at the Boulevard Christmas fair :)

Lots of kuih lapis at the Christmas fair!

Purikura apps!

Pretty poodle!!

Heavily edited once more wtf.

Bought handmade jewelry :D

Freshwater pearl bracelet for only RM 15!

Sparkly anklet!

Got off work early to go Cotton On! Look at the bikinis!

Among the few that i tried on :) no pics cause then no one will ever read my blog again.

Padang Merdeka :)

A shoe I'm interested in!

That's all! Hope I'll be blogging more frequently now that I can upload pictures straight from my phone!

Labels: Daily Rain

1 comments

---

&the time is 4:12 AM
posted by Ena ♥

I am fascinated by that era of war long passed before me. I am glad that it's now a time of peace, but part of me is always amazed by all the accounts I read of all the wars and political unrest. Women, waiting for their husbands and fathers to come home from war, young men enlisting in wars, university students sitting in coffee shops discussing politics, starting movements, doing something of contribution to their nation. When people wrote accounts, testimonies, journals, not for fun or expression but to DOCUMENT the gist of what had happened.

The American Civil War, World War II, the Holocaust. Untold losses of human life. And it all somehow tells me how glad I am to be life. That I have many more things to do in life. That I love studying history.
0 comments

---

&the time is 10:52 AM
posted by Ena ♥