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Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Wondering What I Feel
Honestly, I don't know what it is I'm truly feeling.

I saw him a few days ago when I was with Marcus and Hong. And it felt so painful and strange and after that I was breathless and messed up afterwards and Marcus asked, why do you feel that way? You only feel this way if you still care about a person or you're pretending not to.

Honestly, truthfully, something I've never admitted to myself. I still think about him sometimes at night. But immediately I block out the thoughts. Sometimes some flash of him comes to mind, snuggled in his arms, or the memory of one of his shirts and then I shut my eyes and erase that from my head. Telling myself it's just residual feelings.

Part of me wishes everything was different. It does. But now, I'm with someone new and I care about him. Life has moved on. But there are so many what-ifs haunting me. Wondering if he's the one who got away.

Maybe I tried to move on so fast but in the end I was just TELLING and FORCING myself to move on so fast that it felt like I was but I haven't. I don't know. But since nothing can be done, what is the point in telling him? I'll let him think i'm over him :)

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&the time is 10:31 PM
posted by Ena ♥