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Sunday, January 2, 2011
Resurgence for Blogging
I'm really not used to being so unhappy on a permanent basis. My thoughts are always on you even when I'm out with friends, reading a book or watching a movie. I just wish I knew what you were thinking. I would like to believe that you still care for me, only you don't want to be with me anymore. Instead of you hating my guts and wiping me completely out of your life. Still, I can't blame you as being heartless or selfish. I guess you don't wanna look back. I always think everything will work out given the chance. But I guess you gave me one too many chances till you're sick to try.

Also, I guess if you don't love your ex anymore and she keeps blogging about you, you'll get annoyed. He said he was DISGUSTED by me even. But lol no one reads my blog anyways. So I don't think you'll read this.

So ANYWAYS, I would like to ask certain people to GROW THE FUCK UP. Like seriously. You are making a big drama over nothing. I'm sorry I haven't been my usual bubbly awesome self but I've been emo-ing lately. Sorry lah. You think I want meh? You think I don't want to move on?

If I've been too self absorbed over my problems and not caring for yours, I am sorry. But why do you have to like, be so secretive and all that then act emo and post about me on facebook and expect me to know wth you're thinking?? I apologized countless times because I just don't want to lose anymore people from my life. But you're just being a drama queen.

If you don't want to be my friend then alright. Thanks for comforting me but I guess I don't live up to your 'expectations'. Since you can so easily, block contact with me and remove me from your life for this kind of thing.

And one more thing. I just broke up like 1 month? I obviously am not going to get in a relationship. I am not a playgirl. I am not looking for a rebound guy. I just need company and care. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I think even if you fall in love right after breakup you shouldn't be with a new person. At least need wait some time?

True, love comes at unexpected times. But I think someone who immediately jumps into a new relationship is just not respectful of their previous relationship. I mean, even if you hated your ex or really loves a new guy/girl. It's just wrong. You have to show respect for your previous ex also and go through an appropriate mourning period.

Not saying they're cheap or what. Everyone has their own reasons and some people are very happy with their next bf/gf. It's good if you're happy, then you don't need to listen to my opinions :)

Picture to spruce up my post:

current fb pic

I also know people think I'm stupid mourning over my ex etc etc. And I agree. But it's stupid to hide it and act happy then go home and cry. I am not the kind who hides anything. I share deep secrets with random people online. I don't care what anyone thinks la. I don't go school anymore also. If you think I'm pathetic or what, then cut me some slack. People HEARTBREAK la ok. Maybe I'm just the stupid setia pada cinta type. But life goes on. I am not going to jump off any buildings. And I am sure I did my best in SPM.

I feel so eaten up by guilt. All the times I failed you. Already everything seems a distant memory. I feel decades older after this pain. New year, but same pain. I'm not a move forward person. I dwell on the past, lost opportunities, and now I'm just full of regrets.

To everyone who's lucky enough to have someone like what I had, please appreciate them. DON'T END UP LIKE ME.

The number 1 thing that hurts the most is that the memories that are so precious to me, are those memories that you want to forget and pretend never happened. Knowing that, despite everything, you are not a jerk, I am. You taught me a valuable lesson, about my attitude, about how I should cherish those I love.

I just can't seem to think of myself with anyone else but you. Knowing that so much has changed, everything seems strange and I'm scared. I'm so used to having you by my side. Why did you change so much?

I wish I can wake up one day, and start a new beginning too.

a picture from happier times. Everything now is divided between when i was happy and now, when i'm not.

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&the time is 1:05 AM
posted by Ena ♥