Life so far.. Has sorta lost its colour. Work makes me think so much of you.

The same things don't excite me anymore. Shopping? For what. Clothes? Not so fun anymore. All I feel is this huge gaping hole.. this aching loss.

I wish I could tell you how I felt, but I'm wiser now. I know telling you will just provoke some anger. I am going to leave you alone.

I called him last week. Funny huh? What the human brain can think up. We haven't contacted in 3 weeks. So I thought maybe he'd cooled down. I convinced myself that. LOL. Made him blow up. I guess hearing my voice made him lose it all over again.

But for me, hearing his voice felt like a thirsty person finally getting a drink of water.

I think that, you still care, just that. It won't be the same anymore. You can't let go of what happened. And you're not sure I have changed. You're scared that it will happen all over again. You're just tired and scared of all this mess. I can't prove I've changed. I have no way of making you believe.

Painful as it is, I can't do anything unless I invent a freaking time machine. Nothing I say will convince you, not hurting myself or blaming myself.

I know how you feel. When you see those happy couples with no worries, you reflect on yourself and me, and all my messed up drama. And you feel sickened to the core.

Of course, maybe the truth is just simple: YOU HATE ME FULL STOP

I don't know for sure. All I know is, you're still the VIP in my heart, like you are in my magazine. Take care ok? ♥

I saw a guy today wearing your pants and I flashbacked to you immediately. ahhh those pants. I still can't wear certain clothes that I wore when I was with you.

PS "Back to December" describes me perfectly.