With that aside, it has been a very proverbial day, what with my endless flow of prose. "You laugh at me because I am different, I laugh at you because you are all the same". "Di mana ada kemahuan di situ ada jalan". "Kuman di seberang laut nampak, gajah di depan mata tidak nampak".
Cikgu Elisza must feel proud. There's extra classes in the holidays. Some Maju Cemerlang crap. We're planning to go cruising the Sarawak River after class. By cruising I mean riding in the trusty sampans that have been around for decades.
Apart from that, I feel pretty bristled today. I mean totally no offence to either prefect nor student, but I feel that if there are perks to being a prefect's friend, then I want in too. How come I can't do what others do? No I am not one for just following rules if others aren't doing the same. Either I join them in breaking the rules, or we all get reprimanded. It's not fair that I am singled out. I don't want to nag, but you either close one eye or open both, no such thing as opening HALF AN EYE.
Sometimes I don't get myself. Today was a cold, biting, end-of-the-world kind of rainy day. These are the days when I miss him the most. *Sighs* mlm me!
Top 5 Things I Really Want Now
- Contact lenses. I cannot stand spectacles. It makes me feel HANDICAPPED. That's the only word for it. I don't want to be another constant spec-wearer. Because I look like dog shit when I wear them.
- Hair extensions. I think I've ranted enough about my hair.
- MONEY!! It is the most important thing in the world. You can buy a house but you can't buy a home right? But, if you don't have a house, how can you have a home?? See?? Money RULES!
- Sex. Okay, fine, maybe love. True sappy love.
- A genie who will grant me 100 wishes.
Me and Robert Pattinson had sex and I popped this angel outLOL I dreamt I gave birth three times once. It was a freaking ROFL dream, though slightly scary. DON'T ASK who's the father, it's CREEPY.
Update: I can respect those who hate me. I can respect those who pour tom yam on me after I have poured them. I can respect those who lash at me because they are pissed. What I cannot respect is people who are sugary sweet one moment but turn on you and become a total stranger the next morning. No matter what reasons you have, it doesn't justify. You were standing up for a friend. It's not my business. You're a good friend but not to me. That reason simply doesn't apply. I cannot see it from that perspective. It's your reason, not mine.
If I kill a bug and I say "Sorry, I just don't want my mom to freak out when she sees you, so I have to kill you." It's a good, sweet reason, but the bug doesn't care. It's the one who's being squashed.
So all I can say is I am neutral and over with the whole emotional drama. I can say that I don't hate you even if you might hate me. The others, though I highly doubt we can become bosom buddies, I can look them in the eyes and try to understand them through their view. I can respect and understand what they've done and acknowledge that I am a lot to blame as well. For you, I can't. Don't talk about trust, I can't even tolerate a smile. I'm sorry but you didn't even apologise. Contrary to what you think(we all have different opinions), but I feel you do owe me an apology. But of course it won't make a difference anyway so you don't have to! Seriously. We will never get this sorted out because we all think different. I don't despise you, but I have lost all respect in this sense. You can sleep safely at night knowing I don't hate you. I just want to make this clear, I don't hate you, I hope it's enough. It's not even about me but my friend right now, sorry that I'm dragging myself in this.
I won't be a hypocrite and say it doesn't apply to me as well. I initiated an attack, got lashed, (refer to bug analogy. Only this time I'm the squasher). But I never pretended to be nice. I can also understand if you are a kind of person who just cannot be face-to-face mean to someone therefore having to be nice even if you hate someone. But you aren't, and you proved that. Never pretend to buddy up with someone when you will backstab them the next day. Things happen at the spur of the moment, but the events that lead up to it matter too.
The reason I sound so solemn is because I take it seriously to clear this up to prevent further misunderstanding, so no jokes in here.
I'm not going to blog anymore about this. This is my last post regarding this as I do not want to incense anyone anymore. Unless I want to of course. It's up to whoever wants to read my blog to read my blog. If it hurts I sincerely apologize for the pain inflicted, but I do not apologize for posting, because if I leave a knife on the table and you pick it up and cut yourself, I will feel sorry for your pain, but I will not apologize for leaving the knife there because you could have either picked it up or not.
Update: I can respect those who hate me. I can respect those who pour tom yam on me after I have poured them. I can respect those who lash at me because they are pissed. What I cannot respect is people who are sugary sweet one moment but turn on you and become a total stranger the next morning. No matter what reasons you have, it doesn't justify. You were standing up for a friend. It's not my business. You're a good friend but not to me. That reason simply doesn't apply. I cannot see it from that perspective. It's your reason, not mine.
If I kill a bug and I say "Sorry, I just don't want my mom to freak out when she sees you, so I have to kill you." It's a good, sweet reason, but the bug doesn't care. It's the one who's being squashed.
So all I can say is I am neutral and over with the whole emotional drama. I can say that I don't hate you even if you might hate me. The others, though I highly doubt we can become bosom buddies, I can look them in the eyes and try to understand them through their view. I can respect and understand what they've done and acknowledge that I am a lot to blame as well. For you, I can't. Don't talk about trust, I can't even tolerate a smile. I'm sorry but you didn't even apologise. Contrary to what you think(we all have different opinions), but I feel you do owe me an apology. But of course it won't make a difference anyway so you don't have to! Seriously. We will never get this sorted out because we all think different. I don't despise you, but I have lost all respect in this sense. You can sleep safely at night knowing I don't hate you. I just want to make this clear, I don't hate you, I hope it's enough. It's not even about me but my friend right now, sorry that I'm dragging myself in this.
I won't be a hypocrite and say it doesn't apply to me as well. I initiated an attack, got lashed, (refer to bug analogy. Only this time I'm the squasher). But I never pretended to be nice. I can also understand if you are a kind of person who just cannot be face-to-face mean to someone therefore having to be nice even if you hate someone. But you aren't, and you proved that. Never pretend to buddy up with someone when you will backstab them the next day. Things happen at the spur of the moment, but the events that lead up to it matter too.
The reason I sound so solemn is because I take it seriously to clear this up to prevent further misunderstanding, so no jokes in here.
I'm not going to blog anymore about this. This is my last post regarding this as I do not want to incense anyone anymore. Unless I want to of course. It's up to whoever wants to read my blog to read my blog. If it hurts I sincerely apologize for the pain inflicted, but I do not apologize for posting, because if I leave a knife on the table and you pick it up and cut yourself, I will feel sorry for your pain, but I will not apologize for leaving the knife there because you could have either picked it up or not.
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&the time is 2:02 PM
posted by Ena ♥
