I feel so very broken up into little pieces inside and I feel like smashing my head into a brick wall and ripping my throat out for being so stupid but
I'm damn SO Not Over Him
I'm damn SO Not Over Him
I'm damn SO Not Over Him
I am so pathetic and stupid and I am so uninstalling Limewire if all I get from it are downloads of depressing songs which reduce me to this.
I get this way at night a lot. I binge and break stuff at night. Especially when it's the time of the month.
Right?
Because I wouldn't live with myself if this is how I'm going to feel like for the rest of my life. Regretting. All because of my pride. All because I'm afraid of what others think of me. I know better, but if I got the chance again,
I would do anything. Anything.
I would say what I thought. What I felt.
It's ridiculous. My friends will kill me for this.
But I am so freaking crying because I'm so not over you.
Is this how you feel?
I know you're not over her either. I know you are only having a replacement, and so am I. I know you feel like I do, can I feel like that again in my life?
I'm only 15 3/4 right? Lotsa other chances.
But my heart feels like it's breaking.
I'm listening to the song that I always put on, in the car, on the computer, on my headphones, whenever I look out a window and daydream about you. The song I hum during exams when I have nothing to do but look out the window and think about you. That song. 'Our song'. In my delusional world I guess.
Why am I so happy and cheerful? Why did I volunteer for Assistant Monitor? For Sub-Editor? Why did I sign up for almost everything I could? LOL. Here am I reducing my entire high school career to you. You alone.
You are a piece of trash. You don't deserve me. You are ugly. And stupid. And insensitive. And rude. And full of bullshit. You don't deserve anyone. I hate this song. I hate you. No we can't be friends. NO WE CAN'T.
It's your fault. Not mine. I don't care what you or my friends say but even if I had said something differently, I'm sure it wouldn't have turned out any different. I was new at it. I'm not verbal with my feelings. So what? It's my fault?
I know I always say you should always chase after your happiness but I didn't practice it.
You will never read this but my friends will and yours will but they will never know I;m talking about you. No one will ever know what happened. Not even my friends because I didn't tell them everything and I never will. It's between us and I will never betray what happened that night and neither will you. I don't know you anymore and you don't know me.
I wish I had never met you. Loving and losing is better than never loving at all? What idiot came up with that? I lost a week's sleep over you, I didn't eat at all for days. I skipped school for 3 days and I flunked my exams. Over a miserable piece of shit like you?
I am stupid but you are stupider. I would have sacrificed everything for you. I'm not that selfish. I CAN love. More than you think. Your loss.
It's your loss, your moment of regret. It's over now, it's done for, no going back now. It's the past. I am wiping you from my brain. From my vocabulary. From my phone. I WILL delete all your msgs. I will forget everything.
YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT
I love you I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner I miss you I can't tell you now it's too late I'm so sorry I didn't tell you that night it wouldn't have changed a thing but it might have
I'm sorry bye
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&the time is 1:40 AM
posted by Ena ♥
